Obsessive online dating
Does someone accidentally fall on you in the grocery store?
In the two-and-a-half hours I leave the house each week, is he going to trip on me at Starbucks while I’m nervously palming my skinny hazelnut latte and completely avoiding eye contact?
When you strongly view yourself as a whole person who is looking for someone to share your life with, it takes away some of the fear that they won’t like you, that your destiny is hanging on this outing, and that if they don’t approve of you, you are back to square one.
When I stopped hanging so much of my feelings on these experiences, I started meeting completely different people than ever before.
“I am flawed.” “If I spill my guts to someone else, they will run.” “I can’t be vulnerable.” “I’m not enough.” “I’m going to die alone.” “If I commit I will be trapped.” And on and on. When you hear yourself repeating any of these negative statements, say, “stop” and replace the thought with a positive affirmation.
I like to use “I am whole, I am love,” but use a positive statement about your worth that resonates with you.
Meeting someone new, going on a few great dates, getting excited, having one/both of you sort of stop calling; then repeating the process over and over is enough to make you want to give up for good.
The ups and downs in this cycle can make you feel like you are unbalanced and have whiplash.
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One day this realization hit me like a ton of bricks while I was obsessing over the failure of my latest relationship.